Frustration gets the best of me.

As I finally start to ETS out of the Army with orders in hand, I never knew it was going to be this bad.  Not to mention I'm pregnant so I can't carry anything heavy and if I even lift a notebook I can't breathe.  I got out of my apartment lease which is a relief.  I was only there a month which I'm glad because there were nights I didn't think I would wake up in the morning.  I had to lock not only the front door but my bedroom door as well.  Good thing I sleep like a bag of shit.

So I never thought I was able to sweat as much as I have been.  I sweat even when it's 30 degrees outside.  Bending over making me lose my breathe.  Pregnancy really kicks my ass.  I wanted five kids before I got pregnant.  Now it's changed to 3... with at least 3 years in between this one and another.  Many of Travis's friends have deployed within the past week.  I am so glad Travis didn't leave.  I don't know who else I would complain about my life to.  I am not quite sure what I really have to complain about.  I'm married to a guy that is usually pretty nice to me and when he's not he just leaves me alone.  I'm expecting a little girl in 16 weeks.  I have a job that gives me a decent paycheck.  Maybe it's the lack of friends I have.  But you have to admit, most females in the military are cough cough.  But still I complain.  Maybe its because I have always complained that I feel like when I'm happy I still cannot stop.  Good thing my husband puts things into perspective for me. 

For now, life is crazy for me.  I have a daily schedule written out and if its not done at the perspective time... it causes a whole different set of problems because I get so frustrated.  On Wednesday, I go to Duke University to see my hip doctor.  Hopefully they can help with my sleep problems.  Pregnany makes you sleep on left or right side, the left is preffered.  But with my hips I have always slept on my back or stomach.  Again, a different set of problems.  Also, I am that person to search on google for 3 hours about the same thing until I see the same answer to my question at least 10 times.  I am a fierce googler! 

Now if I could just breathe and get it together.  I usually run around like a chicken with my head cut off but after being this pregnant I would rather sit in a chair and sleep with a fan blowing right in my face.  Work still needs to be done but I can't find the energy to move.

This weekend I'm going to paint pottery again WHICH WAS PROBABLY THE COOLEST THING EVER!!  Hopefully my husband will tag alone with me but I'm sure I am too much for him to deal with right now.

So for now... clear the army, move out of my apartment, go on terminal leave, decorate baby's room, lay around and do close to nothing for 33 days... then sign up for college classes and wait for my daughter to arrive.  Then after she comes, Travis deploys...I move to back to New York.... and I am officially frustrated all over again... grrrr

My Background

Hmmm, I am not sure where to begin.  I am originally from Kennedy, New York (a very small town in the middle of nowhere).  In July 2008 I met the love of my life, Travis, who is also from the same area in New York.  He had just joined the marines the year before and was stationed in Cherry Point, NC.  I was already enrolled in the army but was in the Delayed Entry Program because I still had braces.   I left for boot camp in August 2008.  I arrived at Fort Jackson, South Carolina around midnight that night, not knowing what to expect.  Boot camp was an adventure I will never forget.  I learned so much but the most important thing I learned is to get what you want, you have to work for it.  After 9 weeks of losing a lot of weight and getting no sleep, I finally graduated boot camp.  Some of my family came and when I saw them, I cried more than I ever thought possible.  I appreciated them so much more than I ever did.  After that moment, I knew in my heart that family was my backbone and they would be there for me through anything.  I had a newfound respect for them.  Travis could not be there because of the his duty in the Marine Corps.  After boot camp, I went directly to San Antonio, Texas for my medic training. I spent 3 weeks in reception which is an inprocessing company.  Then, I finally was able to start my training.  First, I was trained to become a Nationally Registered EMT which was tough because they fit 6 months of training into 2 months.  After almost a month of EMT training, I was told I could go home for the holidays!  My luck was about to take a turn for the worst.   Days before I was to fly home, I got very sick.  I couldn't breathe because my lungs wouldn't expand.  I had a high fever, was shaking uncontrollably and ending up practically passing out in class.  I was scared because I didn't know what was happening to me.  I was taken to the nearby clinic and they ran many tests, such as bloodwork, x-rays, and MRIs.  I was diagnosed with Bilateral Lung Pneumonia,  Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), ear infections in both ears and the list goes on and on.  I was then rushed to the emergency room. It was a horrible expierence and I have never been in that much pain in my life.  Not to mention, I was completely alone.  I was supposed to fly home on December 21 but my doctor didn't think it was possible.  I was on a high dose of medication called levaquin- which come to find out I am allergic to but thats another horrible story in itself.  I ended up being discharged with strict bed rest 4 hours before my plane took off.  I never gave that bed rest sheet to anyone.  I made it seem like everything was fine and was able to make my flight home.  It was so important for me to go home because Travis was coming home for the last time before he deployed to Iraq.  I missed him and was so excited to see him.  We spent all of that break together and after it was over, I flew back to San Antonio and he flew back to Cherry Point to deploy to Iraq.  I finished my training and received my national certification as an EMT.  I then went on to the fun stuff, the dirty roll in the dirt kind of stuff.  I graduated in April 2009 and then proceeded to Fort Benning, Georgia for my airborne training.  Up at 5am every morning and done at 8pm every night.  I graduated after 4 very tough weeks.  I recieved orders for Fort Bragg, NC which was amazing because Travis was only 3 hours away!  After only jumping out of an airplane 8 times, I had a horrible expierence and fell out of the plane.  I ended up breaking both of my hips and developing bilateral hip dysplasia which is like taking your hips and pelvis and rattling them to where it will never be the same again.  It was painful but I drove on. Travis then came home in September 2009 and we were pretty much together every weekend after that.  We went through some tough times.  We never thought it would work because we lived similiar lives but at the same time they are so different.  In January 2010, Travis and I both deployed to Operation Unified Response after the earthquake in Haiti.  We spent 2 months there, with few miles between us and never got the chance to see each other.  We returned in March and 3 weeks after, Travis proposed to me on the beach at the Crystal Coast in North Carolina.  He was extremely nervous.  We went home to New York and got married in July 2010.  Still we were not able to live together because we were stationed too far apart.  It was hard on us but we have stayed strong throughout our life together so far that nothing would stop us at this point.  In August 2010, my orthopedic doctor at Duke University claimed that I am not able to stay in the army anymore and I need to start undergoing an MEB.  In the Army, a MEB is a Medical Evaluation Board.  Ever since August I have had so many appts and physicals.  On or about October 19, 2010, my husband, Travis and I found out that we are expecting our first child!  I was then found Unfit for Duty and as of now I am waiting on my disability ratings from the Veteran's Assistance.  As of now I am still at Fort Bragg and Travis is still at Cherry Point.  We just found out we are expecting a girl.  We are making the best of our lives.  Some people would think our life is crazy but everything we have been through has made us so strong as a couple and now as future parents.  As Travis is going to deploy again soon,  we live life one day at a time.  Nothing will bring us down.